I’m not sure where to start. I’m not sure if I even need to write it down. How could I possibly forget this? Redhammer is dead, and his death only marked the beginning. This was merely the prologue.
Baphomet is chapter one.
And Uncle Shadir is the surprise twist.
I can understand Baphomet. She used my eagerness to break my ties with her against me, but had I thought for two seconds before acting, it never would have happened. All my training tells me that hesitation kills, but…
A little hesitation would have saved… who knows? Thousands of lives. My patrol has, understandably, lost faith in me and my ability to make sound decisions. It’s a strange new place to be. I’d always been the deciding factor when the group was torn. I’d always made a decision when they couldn’t. Now all that gets me is scorn, and I must learn to be patient and follow. They may not be able to trust me, but I can still trust them. It’s simply the way of things.
Uncle Shadir is no better than I. He could have stopped this just as I could have. I can forgive him failing to kill me once. That first time. Now that I look back at all the reasons that I’d been in the Spine, I can’t bring myself to forgive him so easily. He threw his own life away to save us all from me, and he failed in killing me over and over. Half a dozen times, he had the opportunity. He broke all our hearts for this and he failed.
He wasn’t even the only one. He’s just the one that hurt the worst.
And every single one of them felt it necessary to keep this information from me. Not one of them trusted that I’d make the right decision. Any of a handful of right decisions. Have I failed so utterly in proving myself worthy of this? Have I made so many mistakes?
In the end, this doesn’t only fall on me. Neither the blame, nor the responsibility in killing this thing.
And I will kill her.